know the peace I've lost
by MegalegU
Summary: Because, yeah – they're still being chased by murderers or arms dealers or whoever and they will most likely die: Shawn with the name 'Juliet' on his lips and Gus, with an impressive scowl on his face.
1. Chapter 1

"Is this the part where I demand for you to go on without me?" Shawn shouts, voice carrying up ahead to Gus, who is making much steadier progress than the pseudo-psychic. "'Cause, like, don't get me wrong; the whole glory thing is cool but I'm not actually sure I want to die!"

"Oh, really?" Gus pants, the frenzied sprinting wearing him down. "You don't want to die? Then why are we always getting into these situations?"

Shawn scoffs, nearly tripping over a root, "Oh, Gus, tell me you don't love the thrill of the chase."

"Shawn," Gus says seriously, "You're barely keeping up as it is. Being chased is not your forte."

"Hey, man!" Shawn protests. "We had a big lunch."

"No, Shawn, _you _had a big lunch. Three of them."

"Three Big Macs off the dollar menu does not a lunch make," Shawn ducks beneath a particularly large branch.

"It does when it goes right to your hips," Gus mutters.

"'A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips', I _got it_," Shawn hisses. "You have a needlepoint of it in the Psych bathroom."

"Evidently you _didn't _get it," Gus quips, faltering slightly at the mound of weeds before them and continuing on, "because you spent twenty dollars at McDonald's."

"Fast food is very expensive Gus, it is nearly impossible not to-"

"On the _dollar menu_." Gus finishes, looking smug, the salad-eating bastard.

"Well of course, the Big Macs were the main course but there were also the appetizers: the quarter pounders, chicken nuggets and then a small ice cream cone. Dessert, however…" Shawn stops completely, chest heaving from exertion. "Okay, I see what you mean."

"I don't know why you don't," Gus jokes and Shawn frowns.

"I have been avoiding looking into mirrors lately," he says offhandedly.

"Now is really not the time for this…" Gus mumbles, knowing Shawn, knowing the direction this is headed.

"Since JULIET BROKE UP WITH ME!" Shawn finishes, punctuating the statement with either a really well executed sobbing noise or an actual sob. Gus has no time to look.

"Goddamn it, this is the third time _this week_," Gus grouses, before halting in his tracks and attempting to put a consoling hand on Shawn's back.

"I can't believe…" Shawn starts, and then stops, the same pattern that's been acted out for weeks.

"I know," Gus says, and it's like he's reading from a script. Okay, there may actually be a script that Gus wrote out in a fit of frustration and shoved in a drawer somewhere.

"I mean, how?" Shawn asks, like he genuinely doesn't know.

"You lied to her for six years."

"I lied to _everybody_!" Shawn's arms gesture to the forest around them.

Gus shrugs. "It meant more to her."

"I didn't really…mean for it to happen that way." Shawn's shoulders slump, forgetting the temporary anger. "But I'm not…upset that it did."

"Juliet? Or being found out?"

Shawn sighs, eyes flitting upwards. "I dunno, both? I mean, I love – _loved _– Juliet. And I love this job. Having to shield one thing from another gets…difficult."

Gus wearily sits down. This could take a few hours.

"And it's not like I didn't _want _to tell her," Shawn continues, pacing back and forth in front of Gus, who is not-so-subtlety peering around the trees in the forest. Because, _yeah _– they're still being chased by murderers or arms dealers or whoever and they will most likely die: Shawn with the name 'Juliet' on his lips and Gus, with an impressive scowl on his face.

Don't get him wrong, he loves Shawn. Shawn is his best friend – his _brother_. But lately he has transformed into some kind of effigy of himself – movements and expressions more passive, less animated, less…him.

Gus understands that Juliet meant a lot to Shawn – he isn't blind. But he remembers pestering Shawn about this from the beginning, telling him this was all wrong, things weren't supposed to happen this way. It seemed like he and Shawn had slipped through some loophole, found a new way of doing things. The lying part wasn't Gus's favorite part of it – and Shawn had mostly carried that weight, anyway. He never let on that it bothered him and Gus didn't get the feeling that it did.

But as the years went on and the relationships between everyone at the station grew, as Buzz and Shawn created a secret handshake and Chief Vick and Gus rolled their eyes at the same time, it all felt…generic. The handshakes and the gestures and the exchanging of gifts at Christmas, that was all _real. _But what Shawn and Gus were doing? The running around, the psychic "visions", the overall "vibes" Shawn received about this dead guy's body at this place where that thing coincided with that stuff – _well. _That wasn't.

Gus isn't an advocate of saying "I told you so" but at this point, he really wants to.

"I just _couldn't_, you know?" Shawn stresses. "There was so much already there. I couldn't just…I didn't want to…"

"I know," Gus agrees.

"And now…" Shawn looks down at his feet. "Gus, man, I was thinking about _marrying _her."

Well. This is a development. "You were _what_?" Gus asks.

Shawn throws up his arms in defeat. "She…did you see the way she looked at me? Like, she really _meant _it."

Gus knows that Shawn isn't that articulate when he tries to explain things but he understands what he is saying.

"Yeah," he agrees. "Yeah, Shawn, I think that's great. You and Juliet…everyone knew you guys had a thing for each other before you even knew, probably."

Shawn nods, looking down at the forest floor.

"And we all spent so much time with each other that…it probably felt a little"-Gus amends in his head, _a lot_-"betraying, when your secret came out. Juliet thought she knew who you were. You knew who she was. It only seems fair."

Shawn stares at him, eyes lingering on Gus's before darting back to the ground. He seems like he is trying to parse something out, separate the fact from fiction, arrange everything cohesively – like he always does.

Even though they're probably _definitely _going to die now, Gus will allow himself the brief moment of fascination he always harbors at the process in which Shawn's mind works.

"Yeah," Shawn says finally, one word encompassing all of them. "Yeah." He looks behind himself and says, "So, like, are you still afraid of dying?"

Gus lifts his head, wondering if Shawn is that existential. "No…" he says slowly.

"Then we should probably run."

Gus sprints after him, and wonders why he ever thought that had changed.

* * *

**A/N:...so...that happened. This is an AU I guess, since I haven't watched Psych since season 5? Or was it 6? Anyway. **


	2. Chapter 2

They – surprisingly – don't die.

Shawn hasn't driven his motorcycle in a few days and Gus doesn't bother to contemplate that now, just continues driving. He has the radio on down low, lyrics settling between them, _we do our time like pennies in a jar, what are we saving for_.

Shawn drums his fingers absentmindedly on the dashboard and Gus wonders what he'll do to keep Shawn occupied. Gus has Central Coast Pharmaceuticals and the cute girl at Quiznos that always smiles at him when he puts a dollar in the tip jar and a new couch at home and the boxed set of all the _Die Hard _movies. Sometimes it doesn't seem like much, at the end of a tumultuous day full of references and guns and Lassiter sternly reminding Shawn that he _is not bulletproof, damn it, Spencer_ – but right now, it's a whole hell of a lot more than what the pseudo-psychic has.

They haven't been informed of any new cases since last week (when IT happened) and Gus doesn't even know if Juliet has told the station. He's assumed the worst, knows Shawn has too. If they still felt connected to the SBPD, they would have, oh, what's that thing, _called for backup_? Gus is pretty sure he is still feeling the after-effects of adrenaline, a low thrumming beneath his skin that has him want to run again, at least to get out this surge of energy.

Shawn hasn't said anything about telling Henry but Gus thinks that he hasn't and probably won't until he is forced to.

He doesn't even know where they are driving. He's not hungry – being chased by big guys with scary guns will do that to you – and he certainly doesn't need any caffeine. It's too dark to really walk around by the docks and he doubts Shawn would even want to; lest they run into Henry.

Psych seems a foolish place to pull up to, flicking the light on, illuminating the building, as if to say, _yes, hello, we are here, we wish to help _– Gus wants to know what will happen if they continue this charade, if there will be someone with a sledgehammer to smash through the sign. He doesn't expect it to happen exactly that way, but he envisions Chief Vick looking disappointedly at them and he imagines Shawn reaching for his keys, enacting Plan B, which has already been used once before.

Which leaves…Shawn's apartment. Why wouldn't that be his first choice – the radio changing tune, picking up, _you might have heard I run with a dangerous crowd, we ain't too pretty, we ain't too proud. _

The hunch of Shawn's shoulders makes his decision for him, although he'll only regret it in the morning when he stumbles over the pair of Nikes that will be inanely left in front of the microwave. There won't be any half-and-half left when he has his coffee and he will most likely be late for work.

"Hey, Shawn, you can stay with me tonight, okay?"

Shawn barely looks at him, nods slightly and returns to staring out the window.

**OOO**

Gus, feeling particularly generous, offers Shawn his bed for the night.

"I have to get up early in the morning," Gus says gently, watching as Shawn gingerly folds back the comforter. "So I'll try and be quiet."

Shawn nods.

Gus leaves him, not wanting his eyes to linger on his best friend's expression, the slight downturn of his lips. It's the same look that time he had when his father kicked him out when he was sixteen, back when they were young and stupid – when sleeping outside seemed logical and Bugles for breakfast was okay.

He almost laughs to himself as he sets up his own bed on the couch, reflecting on the words: _young and stupid_. Well, they're only one half of that now.

As he scrolls through the guide on the television, hoping for some nature documentary to ease him into sleep, he mentally constructs a list of things he can use to distract Shawn. And also, he wants his kitchen straightened out, so they both will win, really.

When he finally drifts into slumber, Gus shuts his eyes and thinks, _yeah – I just need to give him a distraction. We'll work this out._

**OOO**

Surprisingly, Gus is early to work.

He is early to work _and _has fresh coffee in his hand, briefcase in the other. He actually has never used the briefcase but – well, it looks nice.

Shawn actually updates him via text throughout the day, seeming more like himself, _why do you have a Harry Potter book in your bathroom _and _I'm buying you more Velveeta shells because I think you need to get on this level of chef-ery? Chef-ism? _

By the time he stumbles out of the place, keys swinging around his finger, he feels pretty great. He managed to get everything turned in, sold a new medication to the local hospital _and _his boss had nothing snarky to say to him when he walked past him in the break room.

But of course, if there is one thing Gus has learned since he and Shawn became friends (and he's had twenty plus years to mull this over) it's that, just when you think you have something nailed down, when all seems in a stasis – that's when everything goes to shit.

Honestly, he should have prepared himself for this.

It's when he's opening the door to the Blueberry when it happens – furious fingers grasping around his forearm and he is cruelly pushed backwards, nearly crumpling into the car from the force.

"Excuse me," a voice simpers, "do you know where I could find a Mr. Shawn Spencer?"

* * *

_**Ooooh!** _**Haha. Song lyrics are to Believe by The Bravery and Only The Good Die Young, by the wonderful Billy Joel. I'm actually on a roll with this right now so you might get another update in the next few days! **


	3. Chapter 3

Predictably, Gus sputters out a few unintelligible words before finally he says – unconvincingly – "I-I don't know who that is."

The man, flanked by two others who are just as intimidating, says softly, "Oh, you don't know him? My apologies." He slams a hand next to Gus's temple, whacking the vehicle. "You think I'm some kind of idiot, do you?"

Gus knows he is not nearly as subtle as to pocket-dial Shawn. He'll barely have his fingers on the keypad before they figure it out.

It doesn't stop him from trying.

"Of course not," Gus stammers, hand slowly creeping down to the right-side pocket of his khakis. "I wouldn't think that – especially with your friends right there. The ones with the – uh, muscles." His fingers enclose around the phone. He still has a Blackberry – hasn't transferred into the iPhone craze, something Shawn had teased him about before but now he is grateful for the contour of the buttons. One swoop of his thumb and he is going through his contacts.

Somehow, the man doesn't notice. He keeps his eyes on Gus's. "Yes, I do have _friends _right here. You know what's so great about friends?"

Gus, feeling confident, feeling like his plan is going perfectly, says, "Their ability to listen?"

The man laughs dispassionately. "You're cute." He grabs Gus's hand, which is three names away from Shawn's number. "No, I was going to say _their ability to notice what is going on_." He retrieves Gus's cell phone and drops it to the pavement.

_Shit, _Gus thinks helplessly.

"You know," the man looks at the ground, then back at Gus. "I really thought we were forming a connection right there, Mr. Guster. However, I can see that you don't seem to feel the same."

"No, no," Gus protests. "I do. I mean, I can see the potential for something great here." He's talking out of his ass; channeling Shawn in the worst way. He wishes he could get himself to _shut up_, but it's impossible. These sentences leave him unbidden.

Sneering, the man says, "You know what else I hope is _great_?" he brings his (_of course_) boot down, hard, onto Gus's Blackberry. "The insurance on this phone. Your screen seems a little cracked."

He leans in close to Gus, breath ghosting along his neck and says, "Now, I seem to be running a little low on patience here, so why don't you help me out. _Tell me _where Shawn Spencer is and we can end this little charade, huh? I bet you've got a woman back home wondering where you are."

Gus snorts.

"I can think of a place where you will be if you don't step away from him _right now_," a familiar voice says and Gus feels his stomach lurch.

"Juliet!" he exclaims.

She's wearing her work outfit – understated navy-blue suit, top button left un-snapped, eyes hard and determined. She doesn't have her gun out, but her hand is resting on the holster. Gus doesn't know where she stepped out from or what the hell she's doing here but he has never felt more relieved.

Before she can even step forward, the men scatter and Juliet doesn't seem too concerned in giving chase, just rushes up to Gus and quickly gives him a once-over.

"You okay?" she asks.

Gus nods fervently. "Yeah – I am but…" his eyes trail down to his phone on the ground.

Juliet's eyes are wide. "What happened?"

Gus exhales a heavy sigh. "They were looking for Shawn."

Something shifts in Juliet's expression, like Gus knew it would.

She falters. "They – they were?"

"I don't know what they want," Gus continues. "But whatever it is, it's obviously not good." He looks at her again. "What are you doing here?"

"I was over at…" Juliet gestures vaguely at the car wash nearby. "I saw that man threaten you."

Gus sighs. "Well, it might have something to do with the people that chased us yesterday."

"People were chasing you?" Juliet looks even more baffled.

Gus nods. "I'm not even really sure who they were. Shawn has a tendency not to tell me all the details."

Juliet's hand floats to her holster again, wearily glancing around them. "Well, he should have. If I hadn't been here…"

"Thank you," Gus says quickly. He leans against his car and Juliet joins him, running a hand through her hair.

"So…" Juliet seems to be choosing her words carefully. "Where is Shawn?" she means it to sound curious, casual, but Gus knows.

Gus looks around him for a moment, people milling around the nearby buildings, some siren or other going off. Sometimes it astounds him to realize that nothing stops moving. "Most likely back at my place," he admits. "He stayed the night after we got out of the woods."

"You were being chased…" Juliet hedges. "In the woods?"

"Yeah," Gus says, voice bordering on that manic hysteria that always develops when he escapes near-death situations. He's adopted some of Shawn in him; let him make room in between his mannerisms, the way his voice lilts when he mentions death, as if it is something as trivial as a dentist appointment. He doesn't really choose to do it; it's some kind of autopilot function, taking place over the alternative.

Juliet seems to be masking an expression she normally reserves for situations in which _Shawn _has said something truly ridiculous. "And you didn't call us?"

Gus shuts his eyes, trying to dredge up an appropriate response. "We…it just didn't seem like we were on the best terms to be doing that."

There is a slight twitch in Juliet's expression. "Gus…you know that what we…what Shawn and I…I wouldn't let that…I wouldn't _ignore _you guys if you were in trouble."

"Well, we just thought…" Gus angles his head, not sure what _they _thought. He certainly knew what he, himself thought.

"Gus, I haven't told…anybody," Juliet says gently. "Not Lassiter or Chief Vick or…anybody."

He has to admit, he is a little surprised. "You haven't?"

Juliet seems a little surprised herself. "Initially it seemed like the right thing to do but…" her appear to scuttle over every available surface before finally returning back to Gus. "It's hard to decide what that is."

"So what you're saying is…?" Gus looks imploringly at her.

Juliet shrugs. "I don't know. I need to talk to Shawn but…I don't know how to…start." She crosses her arms. It looks like she has more to say but she doesn't reveal anything.

Remembering his fallen electronic comrade, Gus retrieves his crushed Blackberry and slips it into his pocket. "Well…"

"Oh, sorry!" Juliet steps out, distancing herself from the vehicle. "Look, Gus…are you okay to be alone? I can get a unit to keep watch on your apartment if you-"

"No," Gus interrupts her, managing to smile. "I'll be fine, really."

Juliet doesn't look convinced, but lets him go.

"Thank you, again," he steps into his car and pulls away.

When he gets back to his place the tremor in his hands has returned. It is a subtle sort of thing, an undercurrent as he puts his key in the door and drops his things on the kitchen counter. He doesn't know why he ever thinks that these attitudes he takes on will be permanent.

Shawn is watching _Bad Girls Club _and eating some kind of suspicious microwavable burrito but he stops when he sees Gus.

"Gus?" he asks hesitantly.

Gus sits down heavily next to his best friend. "We've got a problem," he says.

* * *

**Whoooaaaa hey no song lyric credits in this what's wrong with me?! Anyway I'll try and keep this going 'cause I'm having fun writing it but also I have grad parties to go to eeee I'm old. Thanks for reading! **


End file.
